5w 3d.....

So yesterday I spent the ENTIRE day in the hospital. Yup sitting in the Emergency room watching all these 'almost Moms' coming in to have their babies. And I was crying. I thought they could go on to have their babies and I sit not knowing if mine is even ok.

Let me back up a bit. About 5 days ago a cramp started in my right ovary. Then the next day the spotting started. And it continued. So I went to the walk-in. All I remember him saying was blah-blah-possible ectopic! WHAT??? So he tried to get m in for a STAT u/s but in my city, no such luck. He said if it gets worse then go to the hospital.

Fast foward to yesterday: I couldn't sleep because of the cramping and the bleeding was worse. So I called dh and told him he had to take me in. They finally got me in, and did a million tests. After 2 ultrasounds and gallons of blood later, heres the verdict.

I have a cyst on my right ovary that ruptured (caused from none other then our lovely friend clomid) and it was bleeding (hense the blood). Now...... baby bean is good. They said that its there and cuddled in, but could not pick up a heartbeat yet. They assured me it was still early and probably off by just a few days. So far only 1 baby. My beta was 2172! Which is high. So either baby bean #2 is hiding behind #1 OR this one is a fast growing, healthy, pig!!! Either way, I'm feeling MUCH MUCH better!! And I'll live with the cramps now, I know everythings ok.

13 more days until u/s #2.

4 weeks and 1 day.......

So 10 dpiui, I couldn't take it any longer.....I had to test. I used one of my cheapies and first thing in the morning I ran to the bathroom to see......Well I got yet another BFN. I wasn't suprised at all! I went to work that day, and had the absolute WORST day ever!

When I came home I had this nagging feeling to test again. That and I had weird stuff happening all day. I thought I was going to puke for about a half hour, I felt bloated, and my boobs were hurting more then ever. So I tested again......and thats when I saw it. The faintest, of the faint lines you ever did see. I thought it was a shadow, so I stood on the toilet to get a better look in the light. Still there. I ran to the other bathroom and did the same thing.....still there. "Ok", I told myself "Its an evaporation line, go to bed". So I did.

The next morning I got up and tested again. There was that tiny little line again. Hmmmm. Could this really be it? I put it away and went outside to do some yard work. I was dizzy, and had to pee alot......so I did yet another test. There it was.....that little uber faint line. "Thats it" I told DH "I am going to buy some First Response tests and get this figured out once and for all!"

Well I came home and tested right away. It didn't even take a minute to see both of the most beautiful pink lines I have ever seen!!! I lost it. Yup, sitting there on the toilet, bawling, & shaking, and holding that test so tight, as if someone was going to steal it. It took about 15 minutes before I calmed down enough to get up and try to tell DH. I ran outside in time to see him drive away....he decided that right then he needed to go to the dump.
So for an hour I sat on the couch bawling, and still clutching that test.

Now about a year ago I bought a card for dh for if I ever did get pg. I dug that out. In between my sob's I wrote in it. So when DH got home he got the card and I managed to let go of the stick ong enough for him to look at it. He was so happy too, and kissed me as HUGE tears welled up in his eyes. We celebrated with a yummy dinner out.

Oh and I have gotten up in the middle of the night to pee and to secretly check my tests again, to make sure its not a cruel joke someone is playing!!! And I have taken a million pictures of them....

So in a nutshell thats how it happened. I got my BFP! Now I sit waiting patiently for the prenatal appointment that I have waited almost 3 years for. I feel like crying again, but I think thats hormones.....

A few things I have learned in my short time (3 days) being pregnant:

- Morning sickness can hit you, no matter how early you are.....and everytime I dry heave, I smile a little more....
-Apricots make you dry heave.
-Earlypregnancytest.com pregnancy tests suck!
- My boobs actually hurt more, at the thought of putting on a bra!
- my nose is that of a blood hound right now.....
-never take a pg test when your home alone, especially if you expect a good out come

Well I have been MIA for awhile. I had my third and final iui on July 8th and have been trying to get through this horrible, long tww without any distractions. So being the 18th today, I figured I would poas, knowing full well it was early. Well it was a BFN....Like I should honestly be suprised.........Have I had anything different?!?!?!

My day went downhill from there. Anything that could go wrong, did. I'm so friggin' tired!!! I hate my job, I hate the city I live in, I hate that we are dealing with IF......I hate that we are stuck here waiting for answers that NEVER EVER seem to come.......

So I guess now I should look foward to our fs appointment on Thurs....then more waiting.......I hope they can tell us something, that might actually help this situation. I looked into cycling for ivf in Vancouver or Victoria, I need my clinic to tell me what we need. If I'm not pg this time, We are moving home.....I need something to look foward to right now, and apparently having a baby wont be it.......