Thursday, May 22, 2008

Back to square one....

Well if anyone is reading this, heres the verdict....BFN

Honestly am I suprised?? Not really. How do I feel then.....hollow. I dont care anymore. Whats the point? That only brings me more heartache.

I told DH on his b-day that I wasn't pg. He took it well, even though I felt so bad. He was dealing with a sad wife, on his day. I tried to fool him, and pretend it didn't bother me, but he always knows.

Had the test read BFP, I had a plan. We would go out for dinner, then go home where I would pull out the cake that said "Happy birthday Daddy" and have a picture of a rattle on it. The card would read love CJ & baby. It would have been perfect.

Instead the cake read happy birthday- and the card said love your wife.....

once again something is missing from our lives, and has left a huge hole in my heart.

To make matters worse, AF decided that a visit was needed. One more harsh reminder, that I can not give myself or dh the one thing we both long for......

2 comments:

Springroll said...

Oh CJ -
I am so sorry, sweetie. I remember how hard my BFNs were after my IUIs, only because in theory there was supposed to be such an increase in chance. Sending you a big hug - stay strong, okay?

... said...

Oh hun, I wish I could say something to make you feel better but I know there are no words. I hope you're doing okay, sending you big hugs too.