I'm a horrible, horrible person.....

Its nothing I did, its more how I feel. I dont want to offend anyone, but I need to get this out.



Way back when they were testing us for IF, I wish they had found something wrong. I believe that if they had found something wrong we would be alot further ahead in our treatments. There are so many people who haven't been ttc as long as we have, but have so much more under their belts.....



I just cant help but think that I have waited so long, for nothing. They say your young, DH's swimmers are great, your tubes are clear, and only 1 m/c.....so you can wait....Your considered UN-EXPLAINED.....WTF?



Now here's where Cj gets really selfish.....I work with a lady, we'll call her "Miss". Now "Miss" has been ttc for 1 year. She is 35. She is being refered to the clinic here at the end of this cycle. From some minor tests that her dr has done, she already knows that he dh's swimmers, aren't all swimming the way they should. So what does this likely mean for "Miss"? Well she is dealing with age + poor swimmers = one more person I will see come and go in my time ttc.......I'm sure all her tests are going to be rushed.....she might even get to skip iui all together.....maybe they will bump her straight to IVF. She might even get on the wait list before us.........



Now I sound like a skank. I'm really not, I'm just having a hard time. "Miss" talks to me all the time, like she knows what its like. And yes she might know what its like to want a baby but not get one......but she doesn't know what its like to ttc for years and watch all the people get pg, and leave you, once again in this ttc gloom, alone.



I dont want to be last anymore.